Who's the 40-something prancing around the pool?
She thinks she's "got it"- she thinks she's so cool.
Little Miss Thing with her perky blond hair
Swimming in Beijing? C'mon don't go there.
Dara Torres- she better just cut all that out.
Doesn't she know what "the change" is about?
You're in your mid-life-Are you nuts? Are you sane?
The 40's are the path to expected weight gain
Swim chick with rock abs- I wish they would fire
She supposed to be sporting a nice fat spare tire.
She should moan about aches and pains and the like
Not starting the day with a ten mile hike
So now what, Dara Torres? What's next up your sleeve?
Are you gonna win the Iron Man or fight Stone Cold Steve?
What are we to do- those of us who gave up?
Watch jaded as you win every medal and cup?
Lay off, Dara Torres, you think you're so cute.
Parading around in a tiny swim suit.
So what if you're pretty, skinny, and fit.
I'm not at all jealous (not even one bit.)
I sit and watch you swim with ease down the lane
My neck's feeling stiff and my calf cramps in pain.
You glance at the time clock- your body does dance
(And meanwhile I'll put on my stretchy black pants.)
OK- Ms. Torres, you have had your fun
It is now time to act like you are 41.
We get that your stamina just can't be beat.
But have mercy and flash us some cellulite!
This is the age to relax -don't you know?
Have a life-crisis (with new car in tow.)
All you middle aged ladies- Don't worry Don't sweat it.
Don't think about Dara- She just doesn't get it.
She thinks she's "got it"- she thinks she's so cool.
Little Miss Thing with her perky blond hair
Swimming in Beijing? C'mon don't go there.
Dara Torres- she better just cut all that out.
Doesn't she know what "the change" is about?
You're in your mid-life-Are you nuts? Are you sane?
The 40's are the path to expected weight gain
Swim chick with rock abs- I wish they would fire
She supposed to be sporting a nice fat spare tire.
She should moan about aches and pains and the like
Not starting the day with a ten mile hike
So now what, Dara Torres? What's next up your sleeve?
Are you gonna win the Iron Man or fight Stone Cold Steve?
What are we to do- those of us who gave up?
Watch jaded as you win every medal and cup?
Lay off, Dara Torres, you think you're so cute.
Parading around in a tiny swim suit.
So what if you're pretty, skinny, and fit.
I'm not at all jealous (not even one bit.)
I sit and watch you swim with ease down the lane
My neck's feeling stiff and my calf cramps in pain.
You glance at the time clock- your body does dance
(And meanwhile I'll put on my stretchy black pants.)
OK- Ms. Torres, you have had your fun
It is now time to act like you are 41.
We get that your stamina just can't be beat.
But have mercy and flash us some cellulite!
This is the age to relax -don't you know?
Have a life-crisis (with new car in tow.)
All you middle aged ladies- Don't worry Don't sweat it.
Don't think about Dara- She just doesn't get it.
laura fetters 2008
(And hooray for Dara for winning 2 silvers.)
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11 comments:
Omigosh...such complete perfection. It's as though you were channeling Dr. Seuss for all of female-dom's benefit.
Bless you, Laura. (Now where's my extra-fat latte...?)
You. Are. A. Genius.
As my nephew would say,
"NO YOU ARE!!"
PLEASE PLEASE you've got to get this into her hands. What a masterpiece! Sports Illustrated???? Family Circle?
You're awesome.
Submit that ASAP to every newspaper and sports mag you know...it'll get picked up.
You get an A! (Although Dara gets a Gold--hopefully).
very nice.
HOLY CRAP that's good.
Outstanding Stone Cold Steve Austin reference - where did you pull that out of?
I'm very proud.
Ha ha ha...Oh that is good! I hope you do submit it to a magazine! Shame on Dara for making me feel inadequate!
That was awesome. She has enough humor about her to really appreciate that. You've got to SEND that to her.
THat was fabulous! And I am sure her day will come too! Way to wake me up this morning!
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