The drinking age was 18 when I was young, so to me it seems perfectly normal.
I see some challenges on the horizon, however.
Within my extended family at this time, we have over 10 teenagers ages 13-16.
What will happen during future family beach weeks if some parents give an okay for their son or daughter to have a beer at 18 while others insist that their children wait until they are 21?
I see both positions having some merit.
This could be my challenge too because as an aunt I need to be on board with whatever the parents decide.
To be honest I NEVER want to be giving anyone under 21 a beer, but I still want to know what the families have decided their rules are.
These kids see us, the older family members, enjoying beers and frozen drinks on our vacations and while no one goes crazy, we would be foolish to believe that we don't make drinking alcohol look like fun.
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In my neighborhood and the surrounding areas, the positions on under aged drinking are varied and passionate.
Some parents would allow and would rather have the teens drink at home since they are going to drink anyway.
Some parents collect keys at parties they host and require the under aged guests to spend the night.
Some parents believe that by keeping their children completely involved in sports and other activities , they will quell the temptation of drinking.
Some parents don't let their children go to parties.
Mixed drinks and mixed messages are everywhere.
We adults are due for a pow-wow.
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12 comments:
ah! in my country there is no age limit for drinking. I had sips in my parents drinks from early on. I was not tempted to drink my own before I was 16 and going to "parties" (nothing crazy, just plain birthday gatherings with some music and a few beers along with the juices). I didn't like alcohol so I kept it to the same one or two sips in my glass, and most of my "grown up" beer would end up in the sink.
I do remember a couple girls coming to school one morning drunk. I t was a big deal... we were 17.
I didn't enjoy drinking until I was 23. :) Now I appreciate a glass of wine or beer, all by myself! :)
bottom line: I think it's much better to introduce alcohol in the family as a social thing than to let kids go crazy over it in the back of their parents...
I have decided that my boys can't drink until their wedding...which is also the first time I will allow them to have sex.
Problem solved. ;-D
Oh, now here's a topic fraught with contention...
We've had and will continue to have this discussion with our kids (Unavoidable since, we have two twenty-somethings and three teenagers at the moment, with five more on their way up.) We have friends who strongly believe that Europe has the right idea, as TL says -- that imposing limits imposes rules meant to be broken -- and does not teach discrimination. And, I see a lot of merit in that argument. If I lived in Europe, I'd be ok with that, impose my own limits,and expect them to be observed.
But, being American, the argument that wins me is the one that says Mom and Dad's giving the OK to break the law will only teach our children that all laws -- and other rules -- are suspect, at best. There are many privileges we gain with age and/or experience or by the the crossing of some other boundary -- such as the marriage privilege, and that is a good thing.
There's a time and place for everything and we should certainly teach our children the discipline of waiting and enjoying a barrier crossed and a privilege gained. It's unfortunate logic that says we should ignore a rule because we expect our children to break it. (The teen birth-prevention advocates use this logic.) I think, rather, that we should expect our children to do the right thing, make sure they know what we expect, and teach them to expect it of themselves. Unfortunately, it is true that if they break the rules, they set themselves up for some very bad consequences...
But, I'd rather see our kids learn a good lesson the hard way, than expect less than the best from them.
Wow! Lisa summed up how we feel far more articulately than we could have.
It's the law and a rite of passage earned with a chronological marker. Mom and Dad feel that the law is to be respected.
(Of course we did light us up some firecrackers that were illegal...I'm such a hypocrite!)
Though there are people who are under 21 who could handle drinking responsibly and people over 21 who never will, the law is 21. It's a good idea to stick with it.
In our state, if an underaged person is caught drinking or even AT a party where there is alcohol, the consequences can be dire--including no more sports, cancelling of college acceptance, and more.
Ah, a Democrat and a prude. Who would have thought so?
I am choosing to believe that, like Jenni's kids, mine won't even be tempted.
Actually, we do discuss this with our kids frequently. I wouldn't give it to them because I want them to respect laws and rules. But, I do know they are going to college...
So much to think about.
I know I drank when I was a minor...I chose not to in High School, but I didn't turn 21 until half way through my senior year of college. Hard to hold off when you're the ONLY ONE under age.
I'm sure that we'll be giving the kids sips here and there...but I'm not ready to do that for a while! There's also an alcoholic grandfather we're going to need to factor in. Tough stuff.
I always love your "food for thought" posts. :)
I must say I really really like what Lisa said! I didn't think about it that way (the "expect the best of children, anything less is insulting their capacities" part ). I totally agree with it. :)
I'm not sure putting a law with an age limit is the best way to educate parents AND children though. I think it takes away some responsibility from the families. Also I'm unsure what the law says exactly. I searched a little bit but so far I understood that buying and possession publicly alcohol under 21 is forbidden, that doesn't say what to do about family gathering (consomation in private setting).
In England we have the limit of 18 but it is legal for children to drink in their home under parental supervision (within reason obviously) We have a terrible problem with young teenagers drinking and out culture accepts a 'drink to get drunk' idea. Based on this I think America probably has the right idea - it is clear you shouldn't be drinking until 21. That way people can't get away with buying drink at 16 or so.
Such a difficult one but such an interesting post and I have really enjoyed reading everybody's posts
Wow! This same topic has had me thinking for the last several weeks.
See, we had a huge going away party before we left. We had two margarita machines -- one with alcohol for the adults and one without for the kiddos.
At any rate, as the evening got later and later, a group of neighborhood teenage boys and their friends showed up -- claiming to look for leftover food -- but we saw them making their way over to the machine.
Even though there were parents of some of the boys at our party that said it was fine, obviously, for liability reasons, Leo headed inside and unplugged the machine.
The night before we left Columbus one of our friends had a HUGE graduation party for their daughter. Again, as the night progressed, and let's just say, certain policing parents got more toasted, the kids got in to the keg.
I saw several teens drinking openly -- it made me really uncomfortable. Although the parents swore they took all the keys, whose to say someone didn't show up later that they missed, or God forbid one of those kids stole the keys back.
It could have been deadly. And then, how do you live with yourself if you've sat back and watched it happen?
At any rate, we have told our kids, the law is the law is the law. And although we like to enjoy adult beverages, we try and set the example that you can still have fun without drinking in excess -- or even without drinking at all.
I agree with Lisa: in our house it was "The law says it's 21, and here we obey the law." Of course we could not control them 24/7 and I'm sure there were parties we did not know about, but overall, my kids didn't have trouble. I did hear on the news when my son was a teen (he's now 31) that results of research showed that kids whose parent's allowed them to drink at home took that to imply that their parents didn't mind them drinking elsewhere. Couldn't tell ya what the research percentages were, but I thought of the old adage "Give them an inch and they'll take a mile" and was glad that neither I nor my ex let them drink 'safely' at home.
I bow to all of you parents..you have some very weighty decisions to make.
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